So, here’s what I did with John Cena’s $100 bill (see story below for origin): The day before the show, we had two incredible Make-a-Wish kids come to meet John. They are both sick, and their ultimate dream was to meet the Champ in-person. And keep in mind, John Cena holds the world record for most wishes granted, as if you needed another reason to love the man. So I went to Toys R’ Us and picked up some Cena related merchandise, with John’s original $100 bill, and he handed them over at the meeting. Thanks to everyone who suggested what to do with the money and thanks to John Cena for being a real life super hero.
I’m currently writing on the ESPY’s, an award show celebrating the best in sports from 2015/2016, something I’ve done for the past three years and enjoy doing. This year we’re lucky to have WWE superstar John Cena as our host, and it’s shaping up to be very fun. So watch it on Wednesday, July 13th on ABC. But, until then, we have something to deal with.
John Cena and I have a bit of a history, as I was a writer in 2005 on Monday Night RAW, where we became dudes who talked about hip-hop to get our minds off the circus we were working in. We haven’t seen each other since, but he had told mutual friends nice things about me and I did the same as I did various things and he became an even bigger name in sports entertainment and learned foreign languages for fun. When we started writing together last month, he was interested in my book, Kanye West Owes Me $300, considering our shared interests and past together. So he promised me he’d buy a copy. I laughed and offered him a free hardcover, which is not a big deal. He got angry and said there is no way he isn’t supporting the book and planned to spend his hard earned money on it. I said thanks and remembered that John Cena is sort of the perfect human.
But here’s the problem: John Cena is insanely busy. He travels now around 5-6 times a week, from Tokyo to Columbus, Ohio in a day. He’s like WWE’s Carmen SanDiego. And my book isn’t yet available in airports. So he’s sort of shit out of luck. He was telling ESPY producers about his dilemma, since he really wants to read it, but hasn’t had time to buy it. Coincidentally, The ESPN team bought a bunch of copies to support me on release day, which is insanely sweet, and offered John to take one they had in the office. He again denied the gesture, saying it had to be purchased with cash. They reminded him they actually did buy the book, and I got credit (and royalties) for the sale. It made sense, so he reluctantly accepted that book and looks forward to reading it soon. BUT, before he left, he handed the producers a $100 dollar bill and said to give it to me, as a token he purchased Kanye West Owes Me $300. Again, perfect human.
But listen, I’m not keeping John Cena’s $100 bill. There’s no way. So I need help. I want to use this $100 to buy John something – an item, or items, I can give him near show night. I’ve thought of balloons, flowers, NUMEROUS copies of his hip-hop CD, Johnny Manziel jerseys, etc. Do you have any ideas? You can email me at JohnCenas100DollarBill@gmail.com. We only have a few days, act fast.
Help me spend this $100 and make John Cena an even more perfect human.